Trying Twice
by QueenOfStalkers
Summary: Nico had decided to start over again. Jason doesn't want him to go, he isn't strong enough on his own. (WARNINGS: attempted suicide)


Listened to This is Gospel while writing this

**Nico's POV**

I sat at the edge of the building looking down, such a far fall.

If I was Jason I could take off last minute and fly to safety if I fell, if I was Percy I could make a water tower thing out of the pool not far from where he would land, if I was Frank I could turn into a bird and take off into the sky, if I was Leo I could build some sort of jetpack while falling, if I was Clarisse I could probably scare the ground into being soft for me. But I am Nico di Angelo, son of Hades and the sun was rising in front of me, there were no shadows to fall into on my fall down.

Time after time I had sat here pondering if I were to fall. Wanting to fall to see what it was like, to end it all. To draw a final breath.

I know when someone is about to die. I can see life forces and read them like a book, but I cannot see my own. I wonder how it would look now.

If I were to die, I'd choose rebirth. I could start over fresh, not having to worry any more. Just be some kid with some little life, not a demigod or a son of Hades, just some kid in some suburb somewhere.

That would be heaven.

But I am scared, scared to go, scared to leave, and scared for how my sister and Jason would react. I don't want them to sit here too.

But I want to go.

I hear the door open that leads back into the building and I stand my back facing the sun. My shadow now in front of me.

I see short blond hair peeking over the top of the door and see Jason's eyes lock with my own. They go wide and he shouts. "DON'T YOU DARE!"

I remain stony faced. I was done being here. No one except Hazel or Jason really cared about me, everyone else hated me or ignored me. I was a burden to the world, I hated living the life I had. I didn't want to be here anymore. "Jason, tell Hazel that it wasn't her fault." I tell him then I fall backwards.

It is as if time slowed down then. Jason screamed and I fell. The air wrapping around me like a cold protective blanket. It whistled in my ears making a beautiful music. I could hear the beat of my heart, it wasn't racing, it was a normal steady beat. I could feel my life force around me surging to keep up but I knew that it would be a final surge everyone life force had before death. I sudden felt two strong arms around me.

I screamed and hit him. Jason didn't do anything just flew us to the concrete beneath the building and he looked at me his eyes filled with tears.

"Why did you try to do that, Nico!?" He demanded from me, I could hear the pain and betrayal in his voice.

I glared at him. "Why didn't you let me fall!? I wanted to die so I could be reborn! So I could live a better life! I wanted to die so I could be free from this fucking hell hole! No one except you and Hazel give a damn about me or what I do, so it's not like I was causing mass panic! The only reason I didn't go right after the war was because I was worried about Hazel." I scream at him, anger building up in my gut. "I was scared to go because of you and Hazel but I trusted that you would be okay!"

Jason looked at me his ice blue eyes looking even brighter because of the red and tears. He looked disappointed, sad and even mad. "Nico…"

"IT'S TRUE!" I shout. "NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE SON OF HADES WHO GLARES AT EVERYONE NOW DO THEY?! THEY'LL SAY "oh that's sad but whatever" AND GET OVER IT! DON'T YOU FUCKING THINK OTHERWISE!"

Jason began to sob, selfish asshole. I was going to die and he starts to sob because of a few words I said. "AND NOW YOU'RE FUCKING CRYING! GODS THAT IS IT!" I scream at him. I am tempted to kill him, so tempted.

Jason sat on the ground and put his head between his knees and began to sob harder. I glared at him and raised my foot back to kick him. He saw and flinched curling tighter in on himself.

"If you're going to do it I'll be down here watching you land. Just know that." Jason murmured. I was tempted to spit at him but I stormed off and into the apartment building.

Soon I was back up on the roof and a blond speck in orange was sitting on the cement about 10 feet away from the potential landing spot. I looked down at him and shook my head. I turned around so my back was facing away and I fell backwards.

Time slowed again, I could hear the loud screams of Jason as I fell. I heard my heart beat. I felt my life force surge. I felt those damn strong arms around me again. I elbowed him as hard as I could as he flew us back down.

When we landed I punched him as hard as I could. Jason gave me these eyes of pure sadness. "I love you too much to let you die."

I am filled with so much rage then and it takes all my will power not to kill him. "IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GO GOD DAMNIT!" I screech.

Jason shakes his head. "I can't… I can't let you… I'm sorry if that is selfish but humans are. I can't let you go because you are what keeps me strong."

I roll my eyes. "No you keep yourself strong, whether you believe that or not. You are your own person and you have the strength within yourself. I don't so I am leaving. So I can have the childhood I couldn't have, so I can be a little Mythomagic dork on an elementary school playground in North Carolina, so I can be the kid I still should be!" I shout at him. "AND YOU NEED TO SEE THAT!" I take a deep breath in and exhale through my mouth.

I feel Jason wrap his arms around me again, his chest shuddering as he hugs me tight, I can feel his heartbeat, fast and emotional. I could feel his life force which wasn't as strong as it usually was. It was flickering like if I were to leave he may not have the strength to save himself.

That angered me more than anything. That Jason was so selfish, but like he said, all humans are. I was tempted to wrap my arms him so I do. I feel Jason's heart beat faster as I pull him towards me.

"Please don't leave, please don't leave, I don't know what I could do if you left me…" Jason murmured into my hair.

I held in my anger. "I just want to be normal, I want to be happy, I want to be free, can't you see that Jason?"

Jason pulled back some and looked at my face. His eyes still had tears, his face was blotchy and red and tear streaked, his lips pulled into a frown. He looked broken. He looked sad. He looked alone. "I want to be happy, I want to make you happy, I want to make you see that your life isn't as bad as you seem to think it is. I want to prove to you that you have more friends than you think. I want to wake up on Saturday morning at 11:45 and find you eating cornflakes on the couch. I want to be there when Hazel marries Frank. I want you to ride roller coasters with me. I want you help me train campers at Camp Half Blood. I want you to curl up with you on a cold December night and drink hot chocolate with me. I want to live life and do things with you beside my side or I want to watch you live your life."

I stared at him and thought for a minute. I still wanted to be the little kid I never really could be. I still wanted to be out of this horrible existence but Jason made not leaving sound nice almost. Like living life as it is now isn't so bad. Jason held me close again and began to murmur things in my ear. "I know it is selfish of me to say, I want I want I want. But I love you and I always will."

I felt something inside of me drop. The wall I had been keeping up for ages finally lowering and all my emotion spilt out. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I wrapped my arms around him and quietly sobbed into his shirt.

"But maybe I should let you go… If you really want to…" Jason whispered and I pulled away and kissed him softly.

Jason pulled away and looked down at me. "You'll give it a chance?"

I looked at him and nodded. "I still want to grow up normal but this doesn't sound so bad."


End file.
